Monday, 11 August 2014

Just The Beginning

It took me forever to push "publish" on this post...normally I'm not one to publicly talk about my body "struggles".  Over the years, I feel like I've been on this "healthy lifestyle" journey and a constant battle with my body image for a LOOOOOONG time, and maybe, just maybe,  if I document some parts of this journey I might actually have to be held accountable for once. After all I'm putting this stuff on the internet and into the universe now...for all to see...kinda scary.

Let me start by saying I AM NOT a "fitness expert" or an "aspiring fitness competitor" or any type of qualified individual when it comes to the subject matter. I'm just a regular woman who needed to take back control and get on track again.  FOR ME!!  To feel better about myself and to reclaim my confidence.  I feel like it's just one small part of this journey to "self discovery" that I feel like I've been on this past year!

Over the last few years I've fell on and off the "healthy lifestyle" wagon a number of times. Can I see a raise of hands?  However in the last year I've somehow lost quite a few L.B' I can't complain too much.  How did I do it?  Well I really am not 100% sure, I'm almost positive it's been somewhat stress related, which isn't great...but, I'm going to be real here.  Aside from everyday life stresses, I think that I stopped stressing about numbers, and the scale and started really trying to make more conscious choices along with listening to my body, decisions that made me happy.  I've worked at becoming aware of my body and what I require, or to maybe skip on some things when I really don't need them, and maybe just wait until the weekend ;) I can have a tendency to over-indulge, but I'm definitely not one who can count calories and keep track of all that mess.  I go crazy over details and being perfect to the point where eventually I just give up.  It doesn't work for me.  To be honest I haven't sacrificed too much in terms of what I eat, but I think I've finally found a balance in my life where for me moderation is key,  and hey I'll be the first to admit that I have a serious love affair with eating out and red wine!

Don't I just look SO sad!?
On a side note...these pictures where taken around the same time at the above picture, when I was feeling pretty  yucky about my body image...but I have to say it was just what I needed to kick start my self confidence again!  When I saw these pictures, with very little re-touching, it did something for my self esteem that I really needed... extra L.B.'s and all...I can say I think this May have been a starting point for me although I may have not even realized it yet.  
So anyway, now that you have all seen my lovely pictures....

After I graduated college this past March I found myself bored, with ample amounts of "free time" that I didn't know what to do with.  I needed something to occupy my spare time, especially since Jeremy was getting ready to deploy.  Again.  I'm not one for crafting or any of that, but I remembered  the countless times I would tell myself that after I graduated college I had no more excuses; gone where the days of late night homework sessions after working a 10 hour day, I needed to make it happen.   I needed to be active and I had to do something, so I made good on my word with myself and finally joined a gym after putting it off for about 2 months.  So step 1 of this "healthy lifestyle" venture was complete.  Now I just had to get myself there.   I haven't always loved working out,  but rewind two years, and I found myself gym-ing it on a regular basis with my girlfriend and falling in love with weight training.  But as it often goes, life got in the way and I found myself falling out of a routine, moving across the world and settling into a new life once again, and packing on the pounds. It's life folks.  It happens.  And guess what?  It's OK!!!  I've found myself recently having to really learn that you can fall down, but what really matters is that you pick yourself back up.  No matter how many times you have to; something we should apply in all aspects in life really.  But now that I'm back at it, I'm falling in love with it again, and loving my new found strength, that I only hope will only continue to grow; both internally and externally (cliche I know!).

Still working on my progress, but so proud of how far I've come.
Aside from graduating and having the free time available, I think that I had lost my identity a little bit. Being bogged down with homework for the past 7 years, and going through some things in my personal life really had me in a place that I didn't like, and I finally think I just reached a point where I had to start feeling better about myself. Not for anyone else, not because the media says I need to be a size negative 15, but because I needed to start focusing on me and what makes me happy.  I needed to be a little selfish!  I think that women especially tend to forget that we are important too; we spend so much time focusing on other people, doing a good job at work, and running a house, that we tend to forget that it's ok to be a little selfish sometimes!  I've always been one to put on my makeup and try my best regardless of my size,  but I needed to feel better in my skin, more comfortable, more me. For me it's not really about the numbers on the scale (which is why I haven't mentioned my "number" in any of these pictures!).  It's about how I feel in my clothes, and being comfortable in a form fitting dress, a neon yellow romper or a pair of cut off shorts even if my legs aren't super ripped like Carrie Underwood...a girl can dream though!

So where am I going with this long drawn out post?  I guess what I'm trying to say in this novel of a post, is that maybe if you're in a place where you feel like you have given up, or that doing your best just isn't good enough anymore, or you're at a loss, then you aren't alone. We have ALL been there at some point, and from time to time we might find ourselves there again!  I just hope that maybe through my own journey, wherever it might take me, that I might be able to inspire you a little.  After all, I'm just a regular everyday woman too.  So regardless of what you might think of this post, I will tell you if there is one thing I want you to take away from this post it's this...

Love you guys.  I'm always here if you need me.


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