Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Are You the Light?

I've been doing A LOT of self reflection recently. So much change has taken place, which I'm sure you've already started to figure out, but despite all the change and uncertainty,  Did you ever have the feeling you were meant for something bigger?  I have.  My whole life.  And lately, I feel like I'm seemingly moving towards something pretty spectacular; a realization that is absolutely refreshing but sometimes kind of scary.  I mean even if we don't know exactly where life is going, or what kind of impact we are supposed to make, knowing in my heart that personal change will begin to move mountains I can't even comprehend is really pretty inspiring!

Gandhi said "Be the change you want to see in the World." It's one of my favorite quotes.  One that is currently fueling me to become better and do better each day.  We all know the reality is that the World can be a pretty crappy place, and there aren't many people who are being that change or even willing to do so.  One thing I've really been pondering lately is that there definitely aren't  many people in life who want to lift you up and be the encouraging voice that some of us really need.  It's something so small, but has the ability to create such a huge impact.  Most of the time people are so caught up in their own misery that it's easier to drag someone else into it, versus lifting them up to a higher frequency.  I've been there.   I've been the person who was sucked down into someone else's misery.  I let if affect me so much that I became miserable and taking on this kind of energy was toxic;  I let it affect me in such a way that I was emitting negative energy, and not only affecting others, but I was starting to get on my own damn nerves, and that just wasn't me!  I'll willing to bet we have all been there a time or two and that we have all met our fair share of "Debbie Downers;" even if it's completely unintentional; but it's come become crystal clear to me, that in order to be truly fulfilled and live a positive life, and to be the change that I want to see in the World, I have to make the change, and I have to consciously make the decision to emit and attract positive energy!

Truthfully, to consciously strive to live a  life fueled by positivity takes work! A lot of hard work! It's so much easier to be negative and find all the things that are wrong in life;  all the struggles that we have, or how crappy the world can be; we never have enough money, or time, our job sucks, or we hate where we live, the list could go on and on.  I've been guilty of  this kind of thinking. Let's get real; we all have.  But  despite a negative day or a period of struggle, for some, negativity can be a lifestyle.  The old saying "misery loves company" is true; bringing someone down to a lower vibration, is always easier than lifting someone up; but it's so draining!  In our society we are surrounded by so much negativity that it's easy to get sucked into a vortex of negative energy; and how can we attract what we want or achieve our greatest potential both individually and as a society by doing that? We can't.

On a personal level, I've been consciously trying to omit the negativity from my life and really pay attention to the energy that I surround myself with, as well as the energy that I am omitting.  Like I said, finding people who are  surrounded by light, and positive energy can be a rarity these days, but if found these are people that you should hold onto, because they don't come around everyday.  I have been really fortunate in that I've had a few of these people find their way into my life, and I cherish them more than they will ever know. They are the people that are good for my soul, that bring out the best in me, and see my good intentions and good spirit, even when I can't see it myself.  Do you have people like this in your life?  Hold onto them because they will see the best in you when no one else will, and they will be the ones helping to lift you from the dark, when you might need a helping hand.

I'm definitely need people around me that are going to remind me of this every now and then, because life isn't going to be rainbows and butterflies 100% of the time; but I believe that without a doubt when you consciously make an effort to live and love at a higher frequency you will begin to attract like minded people.  People who are positive and encouraging, and people who have the same light that you do.  There is a distinct difference  in those who truly try to live with a positive outlook, and consciously try to distance themselves from negativity; these people are not only living to better themselves but they unconsciously influence the World around them. These are the people who are going to make a difference; a chain reaction that will change our World for the better. Those are the people I want to know...and that is the person I am striving to be.

So that's where I'm at right now in my journey!  Sometimes I get caught up in these thoughts and it can get pretty deep, and maybe they don't even make any sense;  truthfully it's kind of scary to put these thoughts out there to share with you guys, but another part of my change is being vulnerable and transparent; I am a real person, just like you.  If you're reading this, I want to challenge you to ask yourself a few questions;  are you influencing the people around you for the greater good?  Do you  consciously make and effort to emit positivity and love?  Are you going to be a part of that chain reaction for change that takes place in someone else?  If you are, great!  Keep it up, our world needs more people like you, and you are the people who inspire me!! But if you're not, don't worry, it's never too late; and I challenge you all to strive to become that person!  Try not to focus so much on the negative and consciously strive to be that positive light that someone else might need in their life; that's when we will start a chain reaction for the better... that's when we will change that World.  

Friday, 30 October 2015

I Am A Fighter!

I can't believe it's been a year since I last wrote.  It's sad, because once again I let my love for writing go by the wayside.  I wont lie though, I got somewhat lost again and have been struggling with pretty heavy things this past year.  In the midst of trying not to lose myself entirely, I was battling some pretty dark demons while trying to keep a smile on my face and not lose the person that I have been fighting so hard to become...I didn't want to lose the passion that I've talked so much about; I couldn't lose "that girl" who's soul had been set on fire.  So that's why I'm here...again;  because I am a fighter, and I've dealt with some pretty hard things and made some pretty terrible mistakes, but I will not let those things define me.  I will not back down and I'm not giving up.  I will rise like a Phoenix from the ashes, and come out stronger than I have ever been..because I AM a FIGHTER.

If there is one thing I'm completely sure of, it's that I am without a doubt a fighter by nature.  I'm a strong person and I do not give up easily.  I will fight until my knuckles are bleeding for the things that I believe in and for the people I love.  I will fight with everything I've got, which I've found, for me, can sometimes be a blessing and a curse.  This summer things in my life got really dark.  I had already traveled down a pretty dark road, mistakes had been made, things that couldn't be taken back and been done, and all I wanted to do was rewind my life; preferably to when I was 17, as long as I could take all my new found knowledge with me!  In all seriousness though,  things were heavy, and I wasn't seeing much light at the end of a dark tunnel.  In recent months, after A LOT of counseling and self reflection, I was unloading on a very patient friend and finally had the "ah-ha moment" I'd been waiting for.  I finally realized that somewhere along my journey I stopped fighting for something that was really important; I had been fighting for things that I couldn't change, things that were entirely out of my control, and  I had forgot that there was someone else worth fighting for...me.

I'm not a person that likes to dwell on or the "what I've been through" or "my side of the story" or the the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's," because everyone has those moments in their life that they aren't proud of, or that they could justify; And #realtalk: sometimes life is just ugly and messy and there is plenty that we just wish we could omit; but that isn't what makes up our entire story, although in all honesty, sometimes it's the ugly things that end up making our story beautiful!  Maybe one day I will share more of "my story" here with you guys, but now isn't the time, and I'm not sure there ever will be a time; but I will tell you this...every single one of those moments, the good, the bad and the ugly, they are my moments. They have shaped me into the woman that is writing this entry.  The woman who holds her head up high and knows that she can do hard things.  The woman who not only fights for what she loves, but also the woman who fights for herself,  and knows that she is worth fighting for because she is valuable, and special,  and lovable despite the ugly scars that only she might see.

I think sometimes, especially women (not that any men are being excluded!), we fight our hearts out for the things that are important to us. We walk the line for everyone else, but we can tend to forget that we are important too. We forget that we are valuable, and we get discouraged; we can become lost because we feel like no one is fighting for us and we might start to feel like we aren't worth fighting for. This is a feeling I became all too familiar with for a long time; and I think that is why I've found myself here tonight writing this entry.  I don't want to be there again, losing the fight for myself.  So really this serves as a reminder; and if you're reading this, I hope that it serves as a reminder for you too, wherever you might be on your own journey,  that YOU are valuable, and special, and that YOU ARE worth fighting for, even if it means you have to fight for yourself!  In a way it might sound a little selfish. It's not.  Sometimes it's completely necessary in order for your soul to survive.  Fighting for yourself doesn't mean you've given up the fight for everything else;  it means that you are strong and brave; because let me tell you it takes a hell of a lot of courage to fight for yourself and for what you finally deserve!

So hold your head high baby girl....because YOU are a FIGHTER!

Saturday, 27 September 2014

I saw a poster of Facebook awhile back that really resonated with me...


I have always been a rather passionate individual...whether you believe in zodiac stuff or not, I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm a full blooded Gemini! For awhile though, I think I lost that part of me, I can't pinpoint when, but I know that for some time I lost the fire that had always burned inside of me, something that I have always loved about myself. However over the past year and a string of personal events, my passion for life and everything in it, the good, the bad, and the ugly was reignited again and I'll tell you something, it felt good.  No, scratch that.  It feels amazing!  Never in my life have I felt more alive than I do now, and I love it;  I've missed it immensely.

I'm finding more joy in the things that make me feel alive.  Like listening to music for hours, and singing at the top of my lungs, and just enjoying time with myself.  Again, you've heard my say it before and it probably wont be the last time, but I feel like all of this is apart of this journey that is taking me to places I've never been and driving me to be the best version of myself.  Anyway, my love for writing is what brought me to my blog again, after more than a year of being away.  I wanted to be here again.  I wanted to share some of my thoughts with people that care, or someone who might find my thoughts encouraging.   I've always loved writing, and after years of writing papers that I had to write, I wanted to get back to writing about what I wanted to write about even it if was silly posts about Pinterest fails! I've also found myself going outside my comfort zone in more ways than one.  Exploring my style as an adult, getting back into singing (which is something I've loved since I was little), and just going out on a limb and standing up for myself, rocking my confidence and finding new loves like going to the gym and trying to find a balance between my busy life and being healthy.  I'm enjoying embracing everything about myself.  Even the flaws;  because lets face it, even those things should be embraced. They are yours, and honestly I think they make life interesting.  Own it.

Anyway, I find myself thinking about this simple poster over and over and over again this week. There  has to be a reason we become so invested and passionate in the things that we love, or the ones that we love. It's not just a random emotion or feeling, it truly is a calling.  One that I know inspires me. They inspire me to go after the things I want, to continue living life so passionately that it inspires others.  Be invested in the things you love, have no regrets and enjoy the journey...but most importantly don't ever loose yourself and if you do try like hell to re-ignite that fire.


Sunday, 17 August 2014

Writer's Block...

Already?  I'm so glad that my last post had such amazing feedback from my readers.  It really made my day.  Really.  I hope that I can have more posts that do the same thing, especially since it was such a scary one for me to publish.  Ever since then I've been feeling a little blocked; like I don't have anything relevant to say, which in a way is kind of disheartening for a girl who seems to have so much on her mind these days.   I guess that's what living a lone will do to a person; I'm definitely one of those people who can get inside my own head and over think everything! For someone like that it seems like I would have plenty to talk about.  Sigh.  So until I can get my thoughts together and decide what I want to write about I'll just leave you with a little inspirational poster;  you know you love them as much as I do ;) 

Because I know that's what I'm trying to do!  

Love you all. 


Monday, 11 August 2014

Just The Beginning

It took me forever to push "publish" on this post...normally I'm not one to publicly talk about my body "struggles".  Over the years, I feel like I've been on this "healthy lifestyle" journey and a constant battle with my body image for a LOOOOOONG time, and maybe, just maybe,  if I document some parts of this journey I might actually have to be held accountable for once. After all I'm putting this stuff on the internet and into the universe now...for all to see...kinda scary.

Let me start by saying I AM NOT a "fitness expert" or an "aspiring fitness competitor" or any type of qualified individual when it comes to the subject matter. I'm just a regular woman who needed to take back control and get on track again.  FOR ME!!  To feel better about myself and to reclaim my confidence.  I feel like it's just one small part of this journey to "self discovery" that I feel like I've been on this past year!

Over the last few years I've fell on and off the "healthy lifestyle" wagon a number of times. Can I see a raise of hands?  However in the last year I've somehow lost quite a few L.B's...so I can't complain too much.  How did I do it?  Well I really am not 100% sure, I'm almost positive it's been somewhat stress related, which isn't great...but, I'm going to be real here.  Aside from everyday life stresses, I think that I stopped stressing about numbers, and the scale and started really trying to make more conscious choices along with listening to my body, decisions that made me happy.  I've worked at becoming aware of my body and what I require, or to maybe skip on some things when I really don't need them, and maybe just wait until the weekend ;) I can have a tendency to over-indulge, but I'm definitely not one who can count calories and keep track of all that mess.  I go crazy over details and being perfect to the point where eventually I just give up.  It doesn't work for me.  To be honest I haven't sacrificed too much in terms of what I eat, but I think I've finally found a balance in my life where for me moderation is key,  and hey I'll be the first to admit that I have a serious love affair with eating out and red wine!

Don't I just look SO sad!?
On a side note...these pictures where taken around the same time at the above picture, when I was feeling pretty  yucky about my body image...but I have to say it was just what I needed to kick start my self confidence again!  When I saw these pictures, with very little re-touching, it did something for my self esteem that I really needed... extra L.B.'s and all...I can say I think this May have been a starting point for me although I may have not even realized it yet.  
So anyway, now that you have all seen my lovely pictures....

After I graduated college this past March I found myself bored, with ample amounts of "free time" that I didn't know what to do with.  I needed something to occupy my spare time, especially since Jeremy was getting ready to deploy.  Again.  I'm not one for crafting or any of that, but I remembered  the countless times I would tell myself that after I graduated college I had no more excuses; gone where the days of late night homework sessions after working a 10 hour day, I needed to make it happen.   I needed to be active and I had to do something, so I made good on my word with myself and finally joined a gym after putting it off for about 2 months.  So step 1 of this "healthy lifestyle" venture was complete.  Now I just had to get myself there.   I haven't always loved working out,  but rewind two years, and I found myself gym-ing it on a regular basis with my girlfriend and falling in love with weight training.  But as it often goes, life got in the way and I found myself falling out of a routine, moving across the world and settling into a new life once again, and packing on the pounds. It's life folks.  It happens.  And guess what?  It's OK!!!  I've found myself recently having to really learn that you can fall down, but what really matters is that you pick yourself back up.  No matter how many times you have to; something we should apply in all aspects in life really.  But now that I'm back at it, I'm falling in love with it again, and loving my new found strength, that I only hope will only continue to grow; both internally and externally (cliche I know!).

Still working on my progress, but so proud of how far I've come.
Aside from graduating and having the free time available, I think that I had lost my identity a little bit. Being bogged down with homework for the past 7 years, and going through some things in my personal life really had me in a place that I didn't like, and I finally think I just reached a point where I had to start feeling better about myself. Not for anyone else, not because the media says I need to be a size negative 15, but because I needed to start focusing on me and what makes me happy.  I needed to be a little selfish!  I think that women especially tend to forget that we are important too; we spend so much time focusing on other people, doing a good job at work, and running a house, that we tend to forget that it's ok to be a little selfish sometimes!  I've always been one to put on my makeup and try my best regardless of my size,  but I needed to feel better in my skin, more comfortable, more me. For me it's not really about the numbers on the scale (which is why I haven't mentioned my "number" in any of these pictures!).  It's about how I feel in my clothes, and being comfortable in a form fitting dress, a neon yellow romper or a pair of cut off shorts even if my legs aren't super ripped like Carrie Underwood...a girl can dream though!

So where am I going with this long drawn out post?  I guess what I'm trying to say in this novel of a post, is that maybe if you're in a place where you feel like you have given up, or that doing your best just isn't good enough anymore, or you're at a loss, then you aren't alone. We have ALL been there at some point, and from time to time we might find ourselves there again!  I just hope that maybe through my own journey, wherever it might take me, that I might be able to inspire you a little.  After all, I'm just a regular everyday woman too.  So regardless of what you might think of this post, I will tell you if there is one thing I want you to take away from this post it's this...

Love you guys.  I'm always here if you need me.


Sunday, 10 August 2014

Pinterest Fail #1

So my girlfriend and I decided we were going to do a little "Pinterest cooking project"! First, let me give you some background in saying the neither one of us is very domestic when it comes to these kinds of things.  In fact, the easier the better, especially when it comes to cooking...the only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house ;) Anyway my girlfriend is starting a new job this month and in an effort to be efficient and healthy, without sacrificing the ever so precious beauty rest that  a girl needs we decided that it would be a brilliant idea to make waffles so that we can have them quick in the morning ready to go, just pop those bad boys in the toaster and you're out the door.  Like you own homemade eggo, right? Sounds simple enough to me.  So we both order waffle makers. Perfect.  Those get here quick, so the hunt for the waffle recipe begins.  She finds a recipe, I find a recipe, they both seem easy enough this is going to be great.  So Wafflepalooza finally rolls around and we get all of our supplies, we've got the waffle makers out, we are ready to go.  My girlfriend and her husband and cranking out beautiful banana waffles and smell and taste pretty darn good.  Then there's mine...

Aren't they gorgeous?  Trust me they taste better than they look, a little ugly, but full of personality.  In all fairness I think the recipe could have been tweaked a little bit, which I now know for next time. The batter was a little on the thick side and not spreading very well, and I got a a whopping 4 waffles out of a double batch, which according to the recipe a single batch should have made 8.  The waffle in the bottom corner was the last one I made, and it was the "prettiest" by a long shot....however flip that beast over and it wasn't looking too hot. So there you have it folks.  My first Pinterest fail.  On the plus side, they can only get better from here!


PS--In case you want to try to make these waffles, and do a way better job than I did, here is the recipe which came from this blog, where she makes them look so much prettier!

½ cup old fashioned oats
½ cup low fat cottage cheese
2 eggs
½ tsp vanilla
½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp cinnamon
Dash of salt {optional}
Add all ingredients to a blender and blend. Pour batter into a hot, non-stick sprayed waffle maker for a few minutes {until lightly browned}

Saturday, 9 August 2014


Who doesn't love Instagram?  I have to admit I'm kind of a selfie junkie...embarrassing I know. I take them all the time.  I mean sometimes you just have to document when you are having a good hair day or wearing a killer shade of lipstick!  In all seriousness though, I have to say Instagram has definitely grown to be my favorite form of social media.  I think it's fun to see all the pictures posted by friends and family, whether it's their food, clothes, pets, or a #shamelessselfie it's fun to see what everyone is up to, and it sure as heck beats a status update every time you go to the gym, or eat a cookie!

Now don't get my wrong,  I'm not hating on the F-B I'm definitely one of those that says "I wish I could just delete it" but never will. I know you're guilty too!  I use Facebook just like the rest of you do, every 5 minutes logging in from a mobile device to see what all of our friends are up to, or what kind of drama is going on at "that one yard sale page," or simply because we're bored and have nothing else better to do. I do use Facebook for my business (insert shameless plug here: www.facebook.com/nailsbylexi) and to keep it touch with friends I've made over the years...girls that hated me in school (kidding!) and of course my Grandmother who likes to see my pictures when she can figure out how to use it!  But I think I just enjoy the simplicity of the IG rather than the countless advertisements, negativity, drama that Facebook seems to attract these days. It's just become so complex!  Life doesn't need to be that complicated people!

Whew, feels good to get that off my chest ;)  But seriously if you're an Instagram loving junkie like myself, come follow me, and I'll follow you back.  I want to see pictures of the chocolate cake you just made, and you flexing those new muscle in the mirror at the gym!  You can find me @lexipaige28...now if only I could get on board with tweeting...